Sleeeeeep!

That's me, jamming!  Woot!

Today is the first day, of a wonderful journey.  A journey of--sleep!  It’s...not starting well.  I have always had an issue with insomnia, since I was a kid.  It’s definitely not as bad as some people, but sleep has been a huge battle for me.  Now that I look back, I understand why.  I ate so poorly, and had such a crappy schedule, it’s no wonder my cortisol is through the roof!  Derby doesn’t help, but I’m not going to stop doing the things I love, entirely. 

We left off with me declaring that I was going to cut back on derby, in an attempt to really get my hormones back to somewhat normal levels.  Anyway, I could NOT sleep last night.  I finally passed out around 1 am, but it took forever to get comfortable.  I’m sure it was the combination of being sedentary the entire day, my husband missing (he travels a lot for work), and the sudden mini-heatwave.

I’m kinda exhausted today, AND I forgot my coffee.  OH, CRUEL WORLD!  I’m trying to not let this be a bad omen.  Instead, this is a huge reason why I’m doing what I’m doing.  My sleep sucks, and it’s really hurting my health and my body composition.  So, in fact, this is perfect!  The only worse thing could be if I keep having an issue with insomnia, which is pretty normal for me.  I get so anxious about sleep, that it eludes me even more.

Here’s the start: I’m tired as hell, and ready to take this challenge on!

I took a small break from Paleo, which isn’t to say I pigged out on junk.  I did, however, have sushi (and rice with it), some regular fries and...gasp!  I actually had some chocolate and wine.

I know, I know...  I said no sugar or alcohol for a year.  I was thinking about it, and I realized that was only setting a bad example.  I want to show people that Paleo can be healthy AND fun.  Totally cutting out the joy of booze and the occasional piece of sugary crap wasn’t going to do much in proving my point.  So, change of plans!  I will tell you, though, I did NOT feel super well afterward.  I shall not partake in this crap often.

Also, life is ever-changing, and that includes our goals.  I don’t think it’s worth stressing over, so I took the stress out.

A few things before I let you go.  I will be keeping track of my waist to hip ratio, which is 0.77 (a good start!).

I’m keeping a food, sleep, and exercise log, which you can keep track of, here.  I’ll post about this periodically.

Last but not least, I had said I would be starting this after my second game of the season.  I’m delighted to say WE WON!  And we won big.  Woot!  The Rolling Knockouts took out the Heebie Jeebies, 155 to 66!  So, if I had to take a derby break, that’s a good note to go out on.  Again, I’m not giving up derby, just cutting back on practice for a short while.

Next game is in August, and I believe should be banked!  Stay tuned.

I'd rather be sleeping

I have a new catch phrase--”I’d rather be sleeping”.  I love it, ‘cause it’s so true.  So, with that said, I decided to take some time off hardcore derby.  The time is right, as my second game of the season is this Saturday, and I won’t have another game with my team, ‘til August.  I’m going to use this time to really catch up on sleep, eat super clean, and lift super heavy.  I’ll lay out some goals soon.  I’m going to actually keep track of my eating extensively, and keep track of my waist to hip ratio, every other week (it’s better to do once a month, but I want to do it more for the blog).

This doesn’t mean I’m going to be completely absent from practice.  Only really during the week.  As is, my cortisol levels are so elevated, I’m having issues with insomnia.  I have the hardest time getting to sleep, and staying asleep.  I feel so wired at night!  No, this is not normal.  I love derby, but I love being healthy way more.  Hopefully, taking care of myself before I take care of derby means a much longer derby career.

I only have one body, so I have to take very good care of it.

First bout of the season: success is mine!

 

Hmmm...  I guess I was more a Zeppelin fan...

It’s done!  My team had our first “official” bout of the season.  It was pretty freaking magical.  We lost, but in our eyes, we won.  We were up most of the first half of the game, then it was back and forth the second half.  We only lost by 20 points, so you can tell it was pretty close!

It has been a real struggle for my poor little team.  We’ve seriously been losing players left and right, and recently took on some newer skaters.  I was kinda worried, but not as much as a few weeks ago.  Each week seemed better than the last.  You can see definite improvement in everyone.

Everyone did great, I gotta say.  There were times of brilliance, and times of major stink.  It’s okay, though.  It can only get better here on out.

We have awesome coaches, and a lot of talent.  All in all, not a bad start.  Even if Pat Benatar was our opening song...  Who picked that?!

One month in Paleo: My results thus far.

 

This makes me happy.  I love skating!

Woot!  One month Paleo strong!  I’ve made several changes in my lifestyle, which encompass the “Paleo lifestyle”, not only to improve my life, but to improve my derby.  Here’s a list.  I like lists.

1) Strict Paleo “diet”.

2) Paleo approved heavy lifting (less cardio, heavier weights, shorter workouts).

3) Lots more sleep!

So, the Paleo eating has been fantastic!  You have no idea.  Or maybe you do.  I’ve been doing the diet thing since I can remember.  I always felt miserable.  Counting points sucks.  Counting calories sucks more.  Always worrying about my food sucked.  Now I’m eating devoid of grains, processed sugar, and excessive fruit, and not worrying about calories.  I get to eat (pasture-fed) butter, cream, coconut oil, eggs, meat (mmm...bacon), veggies, and some fruit.  I’ve actually cut the fruit out more, to lean out.

The workouts have been intense, and awesome.  I no longer feel like I need to spend an hour or more in the gym, for the sake of a “good workout”.  I’m lifting heavy (deadlifts, bench presses, etc.), and doing short cardio workouts (no more than 15 minutes).  I’m really keeping track of my numbers, so I have something else to focus on, other than my looks.  Though, I have noticed some pleasant changes in my body.

Sleep.  Oh, how I love thee...  I’ve been reading “Lights Out: Sleep, Sugar, and Survival” by T.S. Wiley.  It has been extremely eye opening for me!  The author correlates our sleep patterns with how we eat, and our obsession with carbohydrates.  I’ve made sleep more of a priority, even to the point of cutting out one of my derby practices, to get more shut-eye.  Yeah, it’s been rough pretty much going home, prepping for the next day, and then going to sleep.  But I can’t even express how much BETTER I feel!  I used to nod off in traffic, heading to work or home.  I don’t anymore.  I actually fall asleep faster, and I’m able to go back to sleep, if I wake up in the middle of the night.

I feel a combination of these three points have really helped me on the track.  I’m skating faster, harder, and longer.  I don’t feel horribly exhausted like before.  I mean, I seriously felt tired just during warm-ups!  My legs would burn!  Not anymore.  I can focus so much better as well, and I feel less grumpy.  Derby is becoming a joy again, rather than a chore.  I also feel much more bouncy on the track again.  Jumping doesn’t feel like I’m lugging my body around.  I also feel SO much more power in my stride.  I can’t even express how satisfied I am with the results I’m experiencing, with only a month of changes!

Here’s to more changes to come!

Motivation Part 3: Tips and Tricks or Motivation for the Unmotivated

I feel it!

Part 3?!  Damn, there’s a lot to this whole motivation thing.  Especially when I said it’s kinda overrated.  Okay, I guess motivation is and is not important.  Does that make sense?  No?  Look at it this way: some days you have it, and some days you don’t.  If you have it, AWESOME!  You don’t?  I have some tips for you, that kinda give you the push you need.  The conundrum is, you need at least the motivation to get your ass off the couch.  Can you sum that up?  Yes?  Good!

Motivation to eat healthy:

Do you get sick a lot?  Or feel guilty when you eat?  These are some of my motivators to eat healthy.  When I can’t even be bothered to think of this crap, I just do the following, to get me through the times that motivation is gone.

1) Make big meals that you can save, and eat throughout the week.  Like I love making Paleo chili, and eating it for the week.  I’ll throw in some eggs for breakfast, or some extra veggies and avocado for lunch or dinner.  It’s great with spaghetti squash as well!  Double the batch, and freeze half for another time.

2) Do the same with veggies.  The lovely part of Paleo is that you don’t have to go crazy on the veggies, if you don’t want to.  That’s not to say cut them out of your diet.  My favorite is Brussels sprouts cooked with bacon.  Nothing says noms like bacon!

3) Do 1 and 2 once or twice a week.  Considering I’m spoiled, my hubby usually cooks for me throughout the week.  When he’s out of town, and the rations he has made for me have run out, I’ll designate one or two nights a week that I cook big batches of food.  If you have kids, get them involved!  Make it a family affair.

4) Plan for success.  That’s right.  Success doesn’t just happen.  You gotta work for it!

• That means getting all the tempting shit OUT OF THE HOUSE!  Eff the kids and their Fruity Sugar Os.  They don’t need that crap.

• Eat before parties, or bring your own damn snacks.  Yeah, you shouldn’t trust yourself.  Really.

• Keep healthy snacks in your car, purse, or murse (man purse...hee!).  Don’t let yourself be stuck in a situation, with a crying brat, or a grumpy, hungry hubby.

• Brown bag it.  Just avoid restaurants as much as possible.  It’ll save you lots of crappy food, and money.  I always pack the night before, so I don’t just wake up and decide to skip this process.

• Last, but not least, make sure the restaurants you do go to are Paleo friendly, and don’t be afraid to tell them you’re DEATHLY ALLERGIC TO GRAINS!  They usually don’t know what the hell gluten is, so don’t bother.

Motivation to exercise:

It seriously does get easier, with time.  You may even come to enjoy it!

1) Keep your gym bag packed.  ALWAYS.  Keep a comb and deodorant in there as well, Stinky.

2) Set a routine.  Don’t leave it to chance.  You won’t go otherwise, and you know it.  That has to be YOUR time.  I always go at lunch, and don’t even think twice about it.  I just change and go.

3) Allow wiggle room.  ‘Cause if you miss your routine time by 5 minutes or 30, you should STILL go.

4) Keep it interesting.  Cardio is overrated, but if you feel you HAVE to do it, don’t spend 30+ minutes on the treadmill.  Does that really bring you joy?  Go do some gym classes, or take your kids to the park.  Remember the monkey bars?  Totally still fun.  I bet your dog could use a walk too, or maybe some sprints!

5) Plan for success.  Hey, this seems familiar!  Plan your routine, and have a goal and focus for each time you hit the gym.  Don’t get there and stand around like a dunce, with no idea what to do next.  Been there, done that.  What a waste of time.

Most of all, for healthy eating and exercise--don’t sweat it!  If you make it stressful, you won’t want to do it.  We tend to over think things, and just give up.  When you start to stress, just remember K.I.S.S.!  Keep It Simple, Stupid!

So, enjoy the list and K.I.S.S. off!

Motivation Part 2: The Thinker's Guide

Are YOU prepared?

So, yesterday I told you about motivation.  Basically what should motivate you, if you can’t think of anything.  That sometimes motivation fails you, and you have to learn to just do it anyway.  Let me just tell you some of the things I’ve learned.

When I first started trying to eat healthier (I say try, ‘cause it wasn’t really healthy, just what I had “learned” was healthy), and moving more.  I was lucky enough to have a gym at my work.  I was also SUPER embarrassed to exercise in front of people, because I was overweight (imagine that, overweight people exercise too?!).  So, I’d hit the gym at night, when everyone was gone.

Anyway, back to my first source of motivation.  I actually had several, but I usually only tell people the fun one.  The less fun ones are kinda too heavy for some people to handle, but I’ll go over them with you, ‘cause you’re all special like that.  Okay, not really, but sometimes we need to go to our dark place, and deal with the shit we find. 

My FUN motivation:

1) Whenever I would watch any movie where it is life or death, or the end of the world, people are running.  I was never a good runner, and was usually at the end of the line, in P.E., huffing and puffing.  So, whenever the inevitable zombie apocalypse came along, I would be screwed.  If aliens came down and were blowing up the freeway I was on, I would never be able to run and save my life.  If some crazed psychopath were chasing me in the woods, I wouldn’t be able to get more than a few feet.  In other words, in each of these situations, I would die.  Probably from a burst lung.

2) I wanted to feel good!  Feeling gross and unhealthy really sucks. 

My dark place motivation: 

1) I’ve been overweight my whole life, and I seriously think this has put me on a path that may not be the one I want.  Like I was moving through life, based on my bad body image.  Not putting myself out there, ‘cause I didn’t feel like I deserved it.

2) I felt consumed with thoughts about my weight.  What would my life be like, if I didn’t have to think about my thighs?  What would open up for me?  How awesome would it be to look in the mirror and not feel disgusted (later I learned this has NOTHING to do with losing weight...But that’s another post.).

3) I had functioning legs, and NO excuse why I wasn’t using them.  There were people in the world that weren’t blessed with health, so I better take advantage of what I had, before I lost it.

4) My mother is disabled, and lives her life in her recliner.  She takes tons of medication, and constantly has to go to the doctor.  This was NOT the life I wanted...

So, there you go.  That was my motivation.  From the get go, at least I had better health in mind, but I based a lot of my motivation and goals on losing weight.  Lemme tell you, if you base all of your motivation on how you look, you’re setting yourself up for failure.  That’s where the “on a diet, off a diet” mind-set kills the whole thing.  As soon as you think you gained a pound you say, “EFF IT!” and you’re off the diet.

My ultimate point--write down what motivates you.  Don’t make them all harsh and bash yourself.  Be positive, and honest.  If you want to be around for your grandchildren, write that down.  If you want to make the home team in your derby league, write that down.  If you want to feel healthy, and be sick less, write that down.  Keep your motivation list somewhere handy, so that on the hard days, where you have no motivation, you can look at it.  And if your list isn’t good enough, stop thinking, put on your gym clothes, and just go.

Your sources of motivation will change, as you grow.  Trust me, it’s a real beautiful thing.

Motivation? I don't need no stinkin' motivation!

 

Hell, yeah!  I'm pumped just listening to this baby.

Ever have one of those dreaded days, where you KNOW you should go to practice, or you KNOW you should hit the gym, but you just really don’t want to?  There’s really no good reason not to, but you can come up with a millions excuses (all of which, you know are BS).  I have those days, but they come less and less frequently.  Wanna know the secret?  Are you sure?

There isn’t one--SUCKER!

There is NO magic pill for motivation.  All you have is you.  You are your own motivation, and you have to come up with your own reasons that you do what you do.

Health should be your motivation, #1.  Especially all you moms and dads out there, that must sacrifice everything for your children!  Your life!  Your body!  Your SANITY!  And of course, your time.

Can I ask you something, though?  Do you want to be around when your kids graduate?  When they get married?  When they have children?  Do you want to be around for your grandchildren?  Well, there’s your motivation.  You being the overweight and/or unfit (‘cause we all know skinny does not always equal healthy), unhappy, over-stressed, under-sexed (where DID that sex drive go?!), over-whelmed, self-sacrificing parent that you are does not a happy life make.

The childless?  Well, what excuse do you have?  Maybe you’re a student, or a workaholic.  Do you just have a crazy social life, livin’ la vida loca, and just NO time for la vida gym?  Yeah, you keep working yourself to the bone, and we’ll see how far life gets ya.  Maybe you just think you’re lazy, and don’t want to get up.  You’re not lazy...  You just haven’t found your motivation, or you’re approaching exercise the wrong way, and think you have to spend boring hours on the treadmill (I sure did).

So, the point is, there is no equation for motivation.  You just have to do it.  You have to just make it part of your life.  Don’t want to join a gym?  There’s plenty you can do around the house or in the neighborhood (that includes weight training).  Go play in the park with your kids, your dog, or your friends.  Take a dang walk, those are actually good for you.  Join a derby league, or...some other kind of sport (what’s more fun than derby?)...

Exercise is fantastic for stress relief, better sleep, improved self-esteem, and a healthy life.  Find something you like, something you look forward to.  Don’t get stuck in a crappy rut, ‘cause that just pushes motivation out the window.  And on those days you just don’t have the motivation, just don’t think.  Really.  Don’t.  Just DO it!

I promise that it gets easier.  Then you’ll be kicking motivation in the ass, ‘cause you don’t even need it!  You’re a powerhouse!  Who needs a reason to go to the gym?  Not you!  You’re a BEAST!  Kicking ass and taking names is all the motivation you need!

Now, get up and do something!  Just fake it ‘til you make it!

Going Paleo... Never gonna look back.

Several people have expressed interest in going Paleo, but that they have no clue on what to do. Today, I’m here to help. Well, I’m here to help any day, but today is a post on how to transition to “Paleo” or “Primal” eating (basically the same thing, but I think Primal you can have raw dairy). I do have a word of caution, though...

1) ABANDON ALL AESTHETIC GOALS! Seriously. This is about HEALTH, and FITNESS. Skinny does not necessarily equal healthy. Most likely, if you have a significant amount of body fat to lose, you will slim down some. Once you’ve neared where your body is comfortable, you’ll likely notice some fat on your body still. That is your body’s comfort zone, and your eating habits and workout regimen will require some tweaking. If you don’t give a shit about being healthy, and just want to lose weight, and be miserable, try a fad diet. It sucks. Big time.

2) Paleo eating is meant to go hand in hand with Paleo exercise. That’s heavy lifting, and minimal cardio! That means your spin classes and miserable fucking long distance runs are HURTING you. I thank the stars I never have to hit a trail again, unless I want to. Also, weights are WAY more fun than any cardio (other than derby), that you will ever do.

3) I am NOT a trainer or nutritionist! So, don’t get in my face if you’re unhappy with your pants size, or that you think you’ll never poop again without bread (someone seriously said this to me once). Sometimes you’ll feel like crap starting Paleo, ‘cause your body isn’t used to burning fat as fuel. You WILL get over that feeling! I honestly never had it, but I’ve heard of people that have. If you’re not committed, don’t come to me for help, then whine about not being motivated, having time, or wanting to give up bread and booze! I seriously don’t care.

4) If you ARE committed, I WILL be here for you. Always. Especially when you’re struggling.

5) Did I mention get over aesthetic goals? Yeah. I’m saying it again, ‘cause it’s that important. Toss your scale. Don’t be a skinny bitch. Be a strong woman that bench presses that skinny bitch!

That being said, here are some awesome sources.

I love this one, ‘cause this is how I got into healthy eating. One freaking step at a time:

How to go Primal (without really trying)

This man is the Paleo king, I tell you! Robb has a really great book.

Robb Wolf’s FAQ

A little less sciency, and kinda more “family friendly”. Sarah also has an amazing book!

Everyday Paleo FAQ

Last, but I think the best resource of all, the EPLifeFit website! For $20 a month (a major bargain, really), you can ask all the questions you want, get daily workouts, a 21 day eating regimen to follow, and the support of a bunch of other Paleo people. This is the full package, food and exercise. Also, if you click this link and sign up, I get credit! YAY!

EPLifeFit.com

Got it? Good. Have questions? Of course you do. Hit me! I’ll help the best I can. Good luck, my little Paleo warrior.

Rest days... Something to look forward to.

Rest days--when was the last time you just took a break? Was it when you had a derby injury? Derby injuries suck, especially when they happen during the season. It’s never fun to be taken out of the game. Maybe they’re really a blessing in disguise. Really, derby is such a unique sport. Most sports have an off season and an on season. For other sports, this usually means intense training in the on season, and less intense in the off season. Does this really exist in derby? ‘Cause our seasons seem to be almost year round. And when we are in the off season, doesn’t it seem that we’re still training just as hard?

You’re probably wondering what my point is with derby injuries and the on and off season. So, here it is: I think injuries are a blessing in disguise, because it’s our body saying, “Hey, slow down! I need a freaking rest here!” Ever heard of a rest day, derby girl/guy? Yeah, those are important. Very, very important. Rest days are the building blocks of a good athlete. They let your body recharge, and your mind recharge. It’s so physically and mentally exhausting, always working out. Yes, we all love to skate. We all want to improve. We also all need some damn rest!

I’m super happy for the men and women that are out of shape, find derby, then suddenly want to live a more physically fit lifestyle. I really am. You all need a clue, though. You can’t workout every single day, people! And this doesn’t mean you have to lie around like a bum (though, I love those days and I certainly do that). You can go for an easy hike, take a walk in the park, play with your kids (with or without fur). Just take a damn day off!

Some leagues maybe take two weeks to one month off, a year. Sometimes more, when we’re recovering from Rollercon. I just see all these derby people bitching and moaning that they NEED TO SKATE! I get it, I really do. Just hear me out. You need to use this time to take care of yourself. Sleep in, get a massage, go see a movie, maybe spend some time with your neglected family (it seems like I’m always saying, “Sorry, I can’t make it, ‘cause I have derby practice.”). Give your poor body a break. Don’t even think about derby. Give your poor brain a mental break.

You’re an athlete. You should eat like one, workout like one, and rest one like. Now, take those skates off and read this article on the importance of rest.

Oh, paleo... Will you marry me?

Second week of strict paleo eating, and going strong! I absolutely love eating this way. I don’t feel like I’m overeating, and there’s NO guilt. I never feel like I need to be hungry, or starving. Screw that. Never again! If I’m hungry, then I eat. I do not feel deprived whatsoever. Even lacking sweets, I’m doing freaking fantastic! No cravings at all. Once in a while I’ll indulge in some fruit, to satisfy a sweet craving. I’m usually good after a few bites. I never feel anymore like I have to have something sweet at the end of the meal. I just don’t need it.

Also, I’ve had horrible acne ever since I hit puberty! Maybe not the kind that left scars, but it was pretty bad! It also lasted through adulthood. I swear people lie, when they say it’s just teenagers. I had bad adult acne. Since I started paleo, my skin has been clearing up. For a while there, I don’t think I ever had more than one blemish at a time. I can’t even tell you the last time that happened! Come that hormonal time of the month, it used to look like an acne bomb blew up on my face! That just didn’t happen anymore, after a few months of clean eating.

As I admitted in a previous post, I totally fell off the wagon with my eating, and started letting bad foods into my diet. After a while, I started to get acne again. Not as bad as before, but definitely more than one or two blemishes! Nooooooooo! Not again! Now that I’m back on track, my face is starting to clear up again. Yesssss...

Anyway, I know you shouldn’t do paleo for vanity, but it seriously has some awesome visual perks. A friend told me the other day how good my skin looked. That felt amazing to hear! No one has ever told me I had nice, radiant skin!

I’ve never used it, but there’s actually a paleo-specialized program for acne. This is usually for only the most extreme cases. I seriously just changed my diet, and after a few months, it started to clear up my skin. Food for thought, though! Whole food equals a healthy body, and healthy, beautiful skin!

Finding the right fit.

Would it surprise you to know I’ve been on three different leagues? Each one taught me an important lesson in who I am as a skater, and what I want out of this short derby career. Derby can be anything you want it to be. It can be fun and recreational--hitting the track then partying it up every weekend. It can be intense and passionate--pouring out your life, your heart, your blood, sweat and tears. Derby can be a real mind-fuck--drama, jealousy, and animosity. I’ve experienced all of these in my little derby life.

My first league (the party league), was a fun bunch of girls that just wanted to skate and have a good time. They certainly worked hard, skated hard, hit hard, and partied hard. Okay, well, they partied, but it’s not like people were snorting crack off hookers. They loved karaoke, beer, and lots of Salt n’ Pepa. I definitely made a few friends here, but didn’t have that whole connection people talk about. It was me, not them. I just didn’t fit in. A misfit amongst misfits.

My second league (the growing pains league), was my first league’s main rival. They were RIGHT by my work, and way convenient. This one is kind of bitter-sweet for me. I lost a good friend, whom really broadened my derby horizons, and took me to my first game, which was Orange County Roller Girls (for that I’m forever grateful). We both moved to this league together, and just kinda fell in with different crowds, and developed a major rift. I also met my absolute best derby friend, and eventually real best friend!

When I started with my second league, I felt there were some things I was missing in my skills, so I drifted over to the freshies. I was a little bitter, ‘cause it felt like starting over again. Eventually I moved up. I had several skaters that were amazing mentors, but at times I felt a little persecuted by other players that may have not been used to any competition. Eventually, it was too much for me. I didn’t leave this league with as much grace as I should have. For that, I’m really regretful.

For a while I was kind of a derby drifter. I really didn’t have any other leagues close to home, as I had just exhausted the two most prominent leagues in the area. There was no way I could go back. I had a friend that was trying to recruit me to a league, but it just didn’t feel right. In the name of derby, I checked out practices of other leagues, to see what I really wanted. I knew I wanted a league that would stick, that would really feel like “home”. I didn’t want to not fit in anymore.

I had been laid off from my job months ago, and had picked up a new one in the OC area. It never really occurred to me before, but now that I was league-less, it struck me. What about OCRG? I had fallen in love with the league the first time I saw one of their home games. The production was amazing, the team was amazing, the location was...effing far! Whatever. In the name of derby, I would make the drive.

I joined, thinking I would just keep my head down. I had been burned by derby drama, and was still nursing the wounds (some self-inflicted). I already had a few friends on the team, so at least there were some people I could talk to. I kept quiet for a while, but those OC girls just welcomed me with open arms and a smile. I was asked to skate in a bout that first practice! Okay...so, I don’t feel like I’m starting over... The coach was amazing, really put himself out there, and helped me out. The girls were fun, and super encouraging. I just couldn’t help but feel like I was really blossoming, that each long ass drive was a short walk down the street, to be with my derby family. That’s what this was--this was family! My derby family.

I’m so grateful for my new league, but I’ll never forget my old ones. One thing I’ve learned, is all leagues, big or small, have problems. That’s just the nature of derby. There will always be some drama (duh, with a big group of woman, of course there will be drama!), there will always be league issues, and growing pains. It’s really not the league, but the people in the league. All leagues are different, so finding the one that fits me has been an amazing process.

Looking back, I wouldn’t change a thing. I met great people in my first and second league. There are the uncomfortable times, seeing each other on the track again. There are also the times that I get a hug from behind, a big grin from a friend, or a visit from a former league-mate, when they see me skating with my new crew. These things warm my heart. All three leagues hold a special place for me, and have molded who I am as a player. I want to say to all three--thank you! To the first two: maybe we weren’t right for each other, but you gave me so much. To the third: thank you for giving me a home, and I’ll see you tonight at practice!

Noms Log 20120105

Food for the day, and my workout. I did an easy workout on Tuesday, and actually did a little heavy lifting today. I'm not sure how heavy it really is, though! Shoulder presses, at 50% of my 1 rep max, which was 30 pounds. Kinda sad, I think... But, it'll improve. I also did a little footwork after my weight lifting. Has anyone seen Quadzilla's videos? Pretty useful!

Also, I'll be heading to one of my favorite eateries, Blue Frog Bakery, and doing a review on how paleo friendly it is or isn't. Look for it soon!

B: Before | After
2 eggs, coconut oil, bell pepper, onion, butter, 1/2 avocado, coffee, coconut milk
L: Before | After
Meatball, cauliflower "rice", 1/3 avocado
S: Before | After
Leftover meatball, cauliflower "rice", yams, apples, bacon
D: A few bites liver patte, a few plantain chips, chicken, mole, cauliflower "rice", a spoonful coconut oil
S: A bite of eggs, one piece of bacon, organic raspberries, coconut milk, coconut flakes (felt like having something sweet)

I am Cthulhu...

A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties.
-Harry Truman

Yeah, I don’t know if Harry Truman really said that, but someone posted it on Facebook, and I thought it was pretty profound. It really relates to what I have to say, as well.


This is a turning point for me, so it’s kinda a big deal. Ever since I started derby, I wanted to be a jammer. It was the most amazing feeling, zipping around the track, fighting through the pack, and getting out the other side. I loved when people would try to take me out, but I’d keep going. I wasn’t too bad at it, either! I’m not as fast as most jammers, but I got by. I was definitely smart about it. I recall the first year or so I was in derby, jammers would just keep going and going around the track, racking up points against each other. One jammer would get four points, then the other, and on and on. That made NO sense to me! So, when I jammed, I got my points and called it, if I were lead. It still kills me when jammers do not play smart.

I’m a smart jammer, but as I move up in skill, so do my opponents. So, my jamming isn’t as impressive as it used to be (especially since I’m not a full-time jammer), ‘cause now I have better blockers keeping me back! It’s been very hit or miss for me, lately. It’s kinda heartbreaking, not being where I want to be. It has also been very eye opening. My progression as a blocker, and my ability to lead a pack, has kinda snuck up on me. I’ve never had a huge desire to be a pivot, but I think I’m starting to get a knack for it.

People may thank the blockers and the pivot, but they hardly glorify the position. Seriously, can you tell me the last time someone pointed to a player on Gotham, and said they loved what an awesome pivot she was? And while you may say, every now and then, what an amazing blocker someone is, it’s mostly the jammers that stand out. This is in no way jammer envy or hate (Seriously, I’m super happy for someone that finds what they’re good at!). It’s more a thought. I never realized how little I valued amazing blockers, on the surface. Subconsciously, I admired the blockers more than the jammers.

My first “derby idol”, was in fact a blocker. The first time I saw Bonnie Thunders was amazing; but the first time I saw Bonecrusher was freaking magical! The way she moved on the track. How her jammer would be stuck, and Bonecrusher would just swoop in and knock the snot out of the blocker! That was the first time I really wanted to be like someone. I wanted to be as good as Bonecrusher!


Me and Bonecrusher!

Getting to the point, I’m hanging up my star, and putting on a stripe. I adore strategy, and the rules. I love smart derby. Skill and power are very important, and unstoppable, if molded by the mind of a strategic player. I want to be that player. I will be Cthulhu (which derby spirit animal are you?) I will knock the shit out of you, and work my blockers like chess pieces. This, I promise myself.

I may not be Suzy Hotrod...



...but I will be Beyonslay.



I am not Bonnie Thunders.



I am Demanda Riot (actually, I’m Invader Grim, but that’s beside the point).


Even in art, she’s terrifying.

And, hey, sometimes the best blockers become amazing jammers (and vice versa). This doesn’t mean Invader Grim as a jammer will never happen. It just means maybe not right now. One day, I’ll be that frightening blocker on the track, that gets on the jam line at the end of the game, and kills it. For now, I’m fine with being an awesome blocker, and a smart pivot. So, if you hear me mumbling, “Cthulhu... Cthulhu... Cthulhu...,” be afraid. Be very afraid... I am your worst fucking nightmare, and I’m coming for you.

I am Cthulhu.

I am Bonecrusher.

I am Beyonslay.

I am Demanda Riot.

I am Invader Grim.

Noms Log 20120104

I’m going to do the best I can to keep a food journal. The pictures were an idea I got from an awesome site, called stumptuous. She has a free eBook, condemning calorie counting (yay!). I have to say, this has made paleo SO much easier for me. I know that’s what paleo people say to do (not count calories), but I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. How the hell do I not count calories?! AHHHHHH! Duh, listen to my body. If I’m not hungry, don’t eat. If I’m hungry, eat. And it’s important to eat slow, and really listen to your body, so you don’t over eat. It took me a while to get to this place, let me tell you... I started with Weight Watchers, honestly, and I don’t regret it. I was lucky enough to want more, and to take it to the next level, though. I think that’s where counting programs fail. ‘Cause calorie counting is a real bitch!

B: (forgot to take before pic) | after:
1.5 eggs, Coconut oil, Bell pepper, Onion, 1/2 avocado, green tea
L: Before | After
Mole (OMG, so good), chicken, cauliflower "rice", 1/2 avocado
S: 2 not so yummy looking eggs (with coconut oil), so no picture.
D: Same as lunch + 1/4 of a large meatball
S: 1/4 of same large meatball, 1/2 bowl homemade turkey soup, ¼ avocado

Boy, was I hungry that night!

Need vs Want

Last night’s derby practice was hard! Definitely harder than it has been, which isn’t to say previous practices haven’t been hard. I just think everyone has a renewed vigor for the season, and that includes the coach, with his drills! I didn’t do too bad, actually. I pushed really hard. Though, I think I can push a little harder next time. I guess that’s just how you get better--pushing a little bit harder each time. Considering I’ve been really sick the last month, I was super worried about practice. I guess as you can tell from my last post.

Scrimmaging was really fun, but a little stressing. I think I did pretty well as a blocker, though there’s plenty of room for improvement. I had my glorious moments, and my misses. I jammed once, and it wasn’t that great. I really need to stop being so hard on myself, though. I’m not a full-time jammer, as I think I’m one of the better blockers on my team. I know my captains need me to block, more than they need me to jam. So, I don’t get as much practice as a jammer, as I would like. I guess I just need to be more forceful. If you want to get better at something, you need to practice, practice, practice!

I’m torn... My team probably needs me as a blocker, but I really want to work on jamming as well! I want it all! I wanna be a triple threat! Ugh. I guess that means I need to actually wear the pivot panty as well. I never do, but I often find myself directing the pack, at times. The home teams have an exhibition bout (showboating game) on Saturday. We’ll see how that goes! Did I mention this is all flat track, and eventually we have to transition all of this to the bank track! Oh, baby. That’ll be a whole ‘nother issue. I love jamming on the bank, though!

First practice of the year! Hell yeah, I'm excited! And hungry...

WOOT! Derby! Yeah, I can’t wait. I’m gonna die, but I can’t wait! I’ve been sick for a whole freaking month. It doesn’t mix with derby. Seriously, ask almost any derby girl, and she’ll say she swears her endurance goes down just missing one week! I’ve only skated two practices in a month, so tonight will be a challenge! I’m up for it.

Now, to get some grub, and go to practice. :] Hey! I ACTUALLY posted a short entry! Enjoy, ‘cause it obviously won’t last.

Also, enjoy:


Photography by Glenn McGregor